Several years ago, I had the opportunity to explore the topic of Coaching in a High Conflict Zone at Agile Coach Camp 2013 in Atlanta. I had a great group of coaches participating in the conversation. To frame the conversation, I had the following questions to start with:
- Is conflict good, bad or necessary?
- What raises the level of conflict?
- What can we do to promote “good” conflict? (or healthy conflict as Lyssa Adkins calls it).
As we explored different conflict models, Mark Kilby introduced us to The Responsibility Process by Christopher Avery. I also heard about it from Amr Elsamadissy on a separate occasion but never looked into it up to this point. After the conversation I had at Agile Coach Camp, I was determined to look more into it. I intended to do it and so I did.
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
~Viktor E. Frankl
As I continue to study The Responsibility Process more closely, I find it to be a useful guide on how we choose our response. We navigate through different situations on a daily basis. We think we always choose our response however sometimes we go on auto-response. And since we are human, sometimes we succeed and sometimes we learn.
The Responsibility Process provides not just the WHAT (the stages we go through when an upset is triggered) but it also provides guidance on the HOW. To me the responsibility process provides a way to notice our response, label it, learn from it and intend to choose a different response. We are responsible for our response.
Like any new habit, it starts with awareness and requires us to notice our responses. As we start to notice what triggers us and how we react to it, we now have “response” data. Just like any data however, if you don’t use it to confront issues and make a change then what’s the point! The change here is choosing a different response when we get triggered again.
To state the obvious, we all have the power to choose our response so choose responsibility.
